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Star Wars Releases over Next 50 Years

Posted By Britany on April 13, 2005

Mark Bazer from Tribune Media Services takes a humorous look at the Star Wars releases George Lucas may have planned for us over the next 50 years. Here's an excerpt from the article that appears on the Taiwan News website:

In addition to the 3-D versions, the following is the "Star Wars" re-release schedule for the next 50 years:

2019: Peeved that "Titanic" is still the top-grossing movie of all time, Lucas replaces John Williams' "Star Wars" score with a continuous loop of Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On."

2021: Deciding to have Yoda reject the concept of the Force in favor of Kabbalah in "Attack of the Clones," Lucas digitally adds a red-string bracelet to the Jedi master's left wrist.

2025: He hardly cares what you think now, and he'll care even less in 2025: Lucas re-releases "Return of the Jedi" with every character dressed in the bikini Princess Leia wore at Jabba the Hut's place. Including Jabba.

2030: "The Empire Strikes Back" is re-released 100 percent in its original form, with the exception of a one-second scene featuring 350 new characters standing around in an intergalactic tavern chatting idly. (Action figures available from Hasbro.)

2032: Worried that people now view the kiss on the lips in "Stars Wars" between siblings Princess Leia and Luke Skywalker as incestuous, Lucas digitally inserts himself in Luke's place.

You can read the full list at the link above. Thanks to 'Alt & F4' and Justin for the alerts.

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