The original Star Wars trilogy came out on DVD yesterday. They're doing a huge ad blitz, including using Yoda as a sponsor for Campbell's soup ("Mmm, mmm good it is."). To the anger of purists, only the special edition is being released, and George Lucas has made even more changes for the DVD:

• Since it was so unrealistic for the Death Star to have all those gaping holes, rails and safety nets have been digitally added in.

• Because most people don't realize there is a pilot named Wedge in all three movies, he now has a funky theme song that plays whenever he is on screen.

• Return of the Jedi is now entirely a musical.

• To make Obi Wan match up more with the actor who plays him in the new movies, he now has a heroin addiction.

• The Sarlacc pit monster has been replaced with Michael Moore waist deep in the sand, mouth agape.

• In Cloud city, Darth Vader now runs into the wrecked C3PO and remarks, "Hey, that's the robot I built when I was an annoying kid. Ain't that wacky?"

• To show Luke falling for the dark side, at one point he grabs Yoda and shakes him violently while yelling, "Put words in the proper order, you shriveled, green freak!"

• In the fight between Luke and Vader in the Cloud City, their lightsabers are knocked from their hands. They then go on to kung fu fight, the fight eventually leading to the tops of bamboo trees.

• To make the first movie more diverse, Snoop Dogg has been added as one of the pilots flying against the Death Star. After the Death Star is destroyed, Han Solo's line of, "That was one shot in a million, kid," has been replaced with Snoop Dogg saying, "That shot was the shiznit, honkey!"

• Through CGI, the Ewoks have been made even cuter!

• The legendary deleted unicorn dream sequence was added back in... before they realized they were thinking of the wrong movie.

• The giant space worm that swallows the Millennium Falcon has been replaced with a two times size Michael Moore.

• In A New Hope, Luke is 20% whinier.

• George Lucas thinks that Han Solo shooting Greedo after Greedo fires once still makes Han look too mean, so now Greedo fires a dozen times while standing two feet away, missing the unmoving Han Solo with each shot. When Han finally shoots Greedo, it now appears more as an act of mercy.

• Jar Jar Binks has been digitally added throughout the trilogy, doing his wacky pratfalls we all love so dear.

• When Luke removes Darth Vader's helmet, Anakin Skywalker now has no eyebrows... and the head of a monkey!

• Princess Leia is now a wookiee. The only reason she wasn't when they first filmed it was because they ran out of yak hair.

• C3PO and R2D2 finally kiss.

• To tempt Luke to the dark side, the Emperor sings a rap song with Darth Vader using his heavy breathing to do the beat.

• While training on Dagobah, Yoda tells Luke about mitochlorians while Luke stifles back laughter.