From our friend Steven Cavanaugh:

10) Jedi library found to have only map of galaxy.
9) 800 year old Jedi Master finds centrifugal cure for arthritis.
8) Bounty Hunter's single parent pension cancelled.
7) Clone's ongoing search for trooper he was talking to yesterday.
6) Trade Federation launches swap-a-head droid line.
5) Death-stick seller starts foundation for homeless children.
4) 8 year old padawan outsmarts Jedi librarian.
3) Coruscant's hot new sport: Traffic Diving.
2) Russell Crowe found dead in Reek autopsy.
1) Jedi Padawan gives right arm to get Naboo Senator into bed.