The weekend San Francisco Chronicle featured this unusual take on the pop-culture version of Attack of the Clones:

A furor erupted a while ago when word reached "Star Wars" fans that members of 'N Sync might appear as extras in "Episode II -- Attack of the Clones." It never happened, which is a pity. The idea of casting 'N Sync in a mass-marketed film about clones positively groaned with metaphors for the state of pop music.

Just as "Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring" should have capitalized on its overabundance of male beauty, George Lucas should do the right thing and recast "Clones" as a pop musical. Jettison Portman and cast Britney Spears as Amidala. As Anakin Skywalker, the bad boyfriend/Jedi in black leather, insert Brit's own errant ex-squeeze, Justin Timberlake (sorry, Hayden, but he looks more like you than you do, and he can almost dance).

To add a little grit, Iggy Pop could step in as Obi-Wan Kenobi, finally paying back Ewan McGregor for his Pop-esque portrayal in Todd Haynes' "Velvet Goldmine" and freeing McGregor to film "Moulin Rouge 2" with a consumptive Tom Cruise.

Backed by his Ruff Ryders Jedi crew, DMX takes over from Samuel Jackson as Mace Windu. Pink gender-bends Lucas' brittle script and becomes mercenary and clone-daddy Jango Fett. Prince fills Yoda's leprechaun-green robes.

The climactic ensemble number arrives during the film's arena battle, when the chained Amidala's spandex top is implausibly torn from bust to hipbone to reveal her charming navel and impeccably aerobicized abdomen. Launching into the first verse of "Oops! I Did It Again," Britney/Amidala snaps her chains with a single torso twist. The equally buff Iggy and Timberlake follow suit.